Dogs and Cats

If you've ever had  dog or a cat, you may appreciate these thoughts from their diaries.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary 

• 8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! 
• 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
• 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
• 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
• 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
• 1:00 pm - Played in the garden! My favourite thing!
• 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
• 5:00 pm - Chewy bones! My favourite thing!
• 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 
• 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
• 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing! 

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary

Day 683 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.  Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.  The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.  The audacity!  

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies.”  I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.  

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.  I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges.  He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously insane!  The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicate with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now...