We're told that the Washington Post newspaper published the winning submissions to a yearly contest in which readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
- Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of
ever having a flat stomach.
- Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding
hairline.
- Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one
coughs.
- Esplanade (v.): to attempt an
explanation while drunk.
- Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how
much weight you have gained.
- Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that
picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.): the belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Gargoyle (n.): olive-flavoured
mouthwash.
- Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
- Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.